It's all about you!

So here I am keeping up my pledge to you, my beloved readers, and posting on time (ish) fashionably late as they say! XD Check me out, getting all organised and sh*t! I'm pretty proud of myself for this! In all my life, I am notorious for being unorganised and I procrastinate a heck of a lot!

I firstly wanted to share with you that Jaimie's Mad Mind has reached 100 followers on Facebook, in just one week! I am amazed at the support that is out there for my little blog and I thank you so so much for joining me on my journey. I hope I can help you all in some way, through my writing. I really do appreciate your support guys it makes me feel so loved, it really does!

Now, lets get to business, I want to know...

Do you feel like maybe you look after everyone else but yourself?

Do you feel irritable and exhausted from looking out for your friends and family more than you look out for yourself?

Do you often feel you are always helping everyone else with little to no help in return?

Do you feel drained from saying you'll help all the time?

If the answer is yes to at least one of these questions, I want you to keep reading. This could help you change that mindset and maybe make you feel a little more in control of how much you look out for other people vs. How much you look out for yourself, and to hopefully stop feeling guilty about looking after yourself more. I want to help you and I want you to talk about the things you read here with your friends and family and hope that some of my advice and experiences can help you or someone you know.

I really wanted to push the importance of the title of this post... 'It's all about you!' Now, looking at this phrase isolated it sounds selfish, self-centred, arrogant maybe... But actually this is probably one of the most important statements we should be telling ourselves. It IS all about you!

You see, when we put ourselves as #1 rather than our friends, family, children etc. You are making the first step to actually putting them first too! I have learnt through my own experiences of watching other people not look after themselves mentally and seeing the life and happiness drain from their faces, and from what I have seen, it is purely because they always put other people before themselves and never took the time out to do something they enjoyed for the sake of helping themselves just for a few minutes. Putting other people before yourself can be an absolute detriment to your own emotional wellbeing and I don't think that should be a sacrifice anyone is willing to make, if that means they will be left exhausted and trodden on... So why do we do it?

• Because we love them (probably more than ourselves)

• Because we have been conditioned this way by our upbringing

• Because we see other people do it and admire them for their selflessness

• Because we want people to be happy! We are people pleasers after all!

Let me isolate these for you....

Because we love them - Yes we love them but if we love them why do we neglect ourselves? If we neglect ourselves, how can we live to enjoy spending time with these people if we can't crack a smile because we are too exhausted, from caring for them that little bit too much?

It is our duty to look after ourselves to help us in the happiest times, to be happy and actually enjoy those moments. I have learnt I cannot be a people pleaser, it is just not healthy! I have found myself lying in bed all day with no energy to help myself let alone anyone else, and this was all because I put everyone else before me! I knew that I couldn't live my life like this, I had to change something.

I had to go through some real dark days to come across this tiny bit of wisdom... That I tell you, works amazingly.... Accept it, you love them a lot but you have to love yourself just 1% more! That 1% is doing something for you... Take up a hobby, start reading a book, start running, do your nails or hair and you will see the love & positivity grow not only for yourself but for your family too and in a healthy way!

Because we have been conditioned this way by our upbringing - I have been surrounded by 'people pleasers' my entire life and it does become embedded in who you are. This was me for the longest time, once I cracked it though I realised there was great potential in myself that I otherwise wouldn't have seen if I hadn't of taken the burden off my shoulders of being that 'people pleaser' I had subconsciously been expertly trained to be.

I'm not saying this process happened over night because it most certainly didn't, I had to hit rock bottom before I realised the errors in my ways and what I needed to do to balance looking after myself and looking out for my friends and family.

This can be hard driven in to our subconscious, but this isn't a personality trait you should be holding on to, in the words of Elsa, let it go! Easier said than done, I know, but honestly that first hurdle will make you feel amazing! Accept there is sometimes no pleasing some people and move on, don't hold on to the guilt when you can't go and do your friends nails for her because you're reading a book you so badly want to finish, don't feel bad for forgetting to go and pick up your mums order because you lost track of the time and are still in the bath listening to music. You shouldn't feel guilty for taking that time for yourself, if it over runs, in my eyes, I needed a little extra me time today ;) What I mean is, if these things aren't essential and you're not someone's last resort, then please don't put yourself down if you need to do that thing for yourself rather than doing that thing for them. Start putting you first! Don't change your me time plans, it is as important as exercise in my opinion!

Because we see other people do it and we admire their selflessness - The more I read this one, the more my blood boils! Oh I know that sounds mad... But for the longest time (practically 20 years of my life) I had this running through my head every time I saw someone doing something nice for someone, how I would love to be that generous and kind and how I aspire to be all the traits these people have... This was a fairy tale view, I saw the world through rose tinted glasses, I thought if I was an extra nice person that would do anything for anyone, I would get places just by being kind.

That is obviously not the case! You can be kind all you like but you will come up against people that ruffle your feathers and disturb your energy for their own benefit and take advantage of your kind nature and exploit this trait.

The people we see doing these selfless acts, don't get me wrong, they are remaining true to themselves and if they are managing their own self care and making sure to balance this with their kindness for others, this would be the ideal world and well done to them for finding their balance, but if they aren't then they are simply burning themselves out and that is not something to admire, that person needs to run a hot bubble bath and stick a series on Netflix!

I do admire peoples kindness and I always will, I think you'd be a bit of a d*ck if you don't admire this, but selflessness at the risk of your own sanity and emotional health? Nah, I will never admire this if it is to detriment yourself for others' happiness. I just will not put myself in that situation again and no one should feel they have to be in this situation either.

I just want you to have your wits about you when using your powers of kindness, try and feel peoples energy before devoting your kindness and selflessness to that individual and make sure you weigh up whether it is worth doing it, if you have to sacrifice yourself or that me time can you warrant not having that time this week? And is it going to inconvenience you? If it is don't do it! You have the option to make a choice in any situation like this, so please use your options and if you just can't leave the house one day because you feel crap, don't go and do that thing your friend wanted you to do, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED TO HELP ANYONE! So don't if it's at the cost of your own mental health.

Because we want to see people happy! We are People Pleasers after all! - I have given you my stance on 'people pleasers' so I won't blab on for too much longer. It is always lovely and heart warming to see people smile and laugh, and generally just being happy makes the energy and atmosphere positive, but when you are the one that is making everyone happy and not yourself, you're the unhappy one, it brings down the energy levels and it's not fun trying to pin your cheeks up every second to stand to smile at anyone, so why do it!?

Some mental health issues can be dealt with, in my opinion, by remapping your brain to think in a different way, this doesn't happen over night and as I say for a lot of my techniques and coping mechanisms, it takes time but please! What ever you do, if you are a people pleaser I implore you to please me! Please me by stopping it! JUST STOP IT! Take a week for yourself to start and manage this people pleasing business whilst doing something for yourself to balance it out, and keep going with it! You'll thank me later I promise!

I'm not saying you should stop helping people! NO WAY! As this is fundamental in building relationships and connections with people, I am just trying to show you the real importance of self care and how it can rewire your brain in itself, just by you changing a few things you would normally do that can be pretty detrimental despite looking lovely and hugs and kisses on the outside, it has really been tearing you up on the inside and weighing you down like a lead weight.

I have seen lives destroyed because, so much had been taken from them emotionally that there was literally nothing left for them to give. I have been here myself and it is so exhausting, but when I started to realise that when I have a bath in the evening, do my nails, dye my hair another crazy colour, take the dog out for an extra long walk, carry on with my cross stitch, sing loud so the neighbours can hear or simply watch an old nostalgic movie (Hocus Pocus is my go to feel good film!), it all adds up to making you feel more balanced with all the helping other people; you can eat your cake and have it too, whilst enjoying me time as often as you can, even if it is just twice a week, every little really does help.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF FIRST!

I used to be lost when I was alone, because I was so used to doing things for everyone else and hoping that one day someone would do the same for me, I'd often find myself binge watching crime documentaries on Netflix to pass the time, until my soul felt slightly black and numb. I mean this sort of stuff can really reinforce your hatred for the human race, and for the longest time it did for me. I had become numb to anything negative or positive, nothing made me smile, nothing made me cry, just numb! This was all because I didn't take any time for me and when I did take time for me, I piled negative documentaries on which only made things way worse.

Once I lightened the mood a bit and took the time to actually do something for me... Rather than thinking I was taking in interesting knowledge about crimes, I knew this wasn't the way I wanted to feel when I watched them, so I needed to start putting positive nuggets in to my life, which is where doing your nails, calling your friend, starting an online course, taking up a new hobby, starting reading a new book, all comes in to play!

If you know what your 'me time' is then good for you and make sure you make time for it, because it is so important! For those that don't know what your 'me time' is, then it's a simple process of trial and error, try new things or old things (neglected hobbies), you don't know what you enjoy until you give it a go, so just go for it and if you are worrying about the cost of this hobby, try and go for things that aren't as costly as my beloved photography and go for a cross stitch, watching positive films, experiment with your make up, Meditate for half an hour, try and make new outfits from what's in your wardrobe. Just try and get creative and think outside the box, you may find that your mind will empty of irrational, stupid, negative thoughts and you start concentrating a little more too. And the most important part of this is you will find it addictive in a positive way, you will start to learn when you need a time out for me time and it will get easier to know when this will be so you can schedule it in and live your life around it! YES I did mean to write that... Live your life around your me time! Once you've cracked this ladies you will honestly feel like a new woman and want to continue this practice.

I am passionate about self care and if I have helped you think about things a little differently, I want to know! So drop me a message or comment to share your thoughts! I want this to be a platform for you to share your experiences and thoughts freely, so please do, it would mean the absolute world!

Thank you for reading guys, I really do appreciate your support. It isn't easy talking about these issues openly with the world, but I feel this is something I need to do to help you in situations I needed help in but had to drag myself through with just the knowledge I have of mental health issues and the impressions other mental health soldiers have given me by how they have dealt with their own issues. I feel I have a really strong message for you to follow and that is to just look after yourself! You are worth the world, just like your neighbour, best friend, mum, dad, grandma, grandad... So start treating yourself that way! And start embracing yourself and your interests more! I guarantee you will find yourself, the woman you left behind once before, but a better version!

If you want to keep up with my posts and help me reach 200 followers, please follow me on social media, all links are below. And please share with your friends! I really appreciate your help and support to make this blog a success, without you it would be pointless!

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Until next week.... PEACE & LOVE!